Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Back at Square One

I'm quitting my job very soon, and I'm taking some time off to reflect on things on my mind.

I liked to believe that I can do whatever I want if I put my mind into it, my substantial determination and my resilience broke under the sheer reality of how things work.

I'm astonished by the my shortcomings, I thought they were small but on the contrary, they are disastrous, and I'm too old and messed up to even try to work them out.

I'm starting to question what I really want; sometimes I'm not cut for what I really want, other times I want the right things for the wrong reasons or at the worst timings. I want to fly but my wings have been so denied.

I knew long time ago that nothing makes sense, although this dangerous conclusion can drive a man to disbelief or approaching-atheism, I'm not trying to figure life out, I'm simply trying to adjust to its anarchy.

Friends around me seem to "carry on" with their lives without even pausing to ask themselves what the hell they are doing, automated to mainstream of typical ideologies and choosing to exist as zombies, But they seem reflect an image of happiness and content. Should I try to change my attitude to "happy and misleaded" instead of "dissatisfied and enlightened"?

I'm back at square one and I'm narcoleptic.

Discouraged but hopeful.

Sane yet Overwhelmed.

Another misconception established; This is Mo'men .. Over and Out.

P.S: I'm now listening to Norah Jones first album on my PC; this may or may not affect and contribute to the content of what I'm writing.


reham said...

hello mo2men :)
i know i was away from your blog for a long time..and here am approaching you in a very critical time of your life , i call this the real ' identity crisis' of one's self..i have passed through what you are in right now - more or less-3 yrs ago..i decided to leave the hospital i was attached to coz i adored it really and move on to another hospital..i needed to know myself, to get out of the life circle that brings me nothing..i benefited from all this time being away from the main hospital..i never left medical field either..but i looked at it in a different way..i took some diplomas, draw a line on my master -slave-degree, searched for what i really want..went away , i can say ,escaped..and discovered myself from the very me ,being enlightened is a blessing..disatisfaction will make you change your life for the better..i know you will not choose to be a zombie , a puppet who will immitate your feelings and follow your heart..people around you have decided ages ago to be zombies and puppets , they are afraid of facing the 'real self' as God has created..i beleive that God has created every one on earth to be useful..the ones who decided that is wise to immitate others, are becoming machines and they 'fake'that they are me in that ..if you look at their eyes and ask them if they are really happy? will know the answer coz the eyes will tell the truth..they feel that they are safe coz they are taking the same steps their fathers took , look at them when any change will happen..herd will never help them..change is a part of the do not be afraid of change ya mo2men..tawakel 3ala Allah..explore yourself..know your real self..i am sure the moment you will start to figure out what you really want and who you are really , you will love yourself more and your self esteem will grow stronger..just hold on in this period of time and it will pass soon..this period of time will make you become stronger .. sorry for talking that much , salam :)

Mo'men said...

Thanks Reham, I hope things turn out well for me the way it stuck gold with you :)

reham said...

وحياة ربنا انا لسه على باب الله..بس بحاول أزوق يا مؤمن وربنا يفرجها ان شاء الله..اذا جات لى اخبار حلوة حبقى أقوللك ..بس ادعيلى :)

Shimaa Gamal said...

Hello Mo’men
A pause to reflect on our lives is a courageous step that most of us dare not take. I took that step a year ago. I quit the job I only knew, I took a long vacation to get to know that woman in the mirror. I discovered that there were many records to be set straight. I started a quest to answer a long list of questions, I can’t deny that the list is still full, but at least I believe I am on the right way.
Good luck finding the answers for all the questions buzzing in your mind.

Miss Egyptiana "Trapped Soul" said...

turn to "happy and misleaded" instead of "dissatisfied and enlightened"?

the question that tortures most of us.. the choice that need to be made to reach a balance point... but my freind .. no one can loose enlightment ... and go back to the happy cow strategy

i tried... and it was even more painful...

what i could only do... is to accept the Me... and stop searching for already known answers... Acceptance is the secret

god bless you

ps: many people i know are running from their current jobs... is that a trend... or just a mean to break the life routine?

molo5ia said...

very well expressed. I admit to envying those who can 'carry on' who don't need to examine, question and justify why they are doing things.